Blog #11 - Zoe

MY LAST BLOG IM SO HAPPY! Since I don't have internet at home, I don't have a word counter because I don't have microsoft word anymore on this laptop and we lost the app thing on a cd. BUT, I'm trying to type enough that it will be enough sentences and it's midnight and I'm literally about to go to the library at midnight to go email this to my school computer so I can turn it in first thing tomorrow morning. Okay, back to the art. I'm so passionate about art and sometimes I'll actually go to to the met museum's website and just scroll through all the art. Art is so creative and wonderful and a great source to help with emotions. Watercolors are so relaxing, and you don't even have to focus on making it look good to other people, because it's your own and just wonderful. I don't know. Music is pretty cool, too. I've always wanted to play the violin ever since first grade. It's so peaceful and relaxing. I don't know, I think so many things are cool. Speaking about artsy things! I love dance. I took ballet when I was in first grade, but I quit because I was a quitter at everything then. One of my biggest regrets is when I quit ballet. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself to not quit. It may have even helped me get over being anxious and shy about getting up in front of groups of people. I honestly feel myself getting a panic attack when I have to present. Sometimes I surprise myself and do better than I was expecting, but most of the time that isn't the case. I always second guess myself on if I added everything I was supposed to, over if I spelt words right or wrong, and etc. I know I need to just chill because I know I do the best I can, and that more likely than not I'll make a good grade.. I don't know. I just hate presenting. Instead of looking down at the floor, it's better to look at the people that your presenting too's forehead, because you don't have to look at them exactly, and it makes your presentation seem better, I guess. I think. I don't exactly know, I just know that my old therapist told me to do that rather than to stare at the ceiling than ground.. 

Blog #10 - Zoe

ONE MORE TO GO! I honestly have no idea what to write about... I guess I could talk about things I like & don't and things about myself. My favorite colors are red, gray, and like a mustardy yellow. My least favorite color is orange. It's just the weirdest color to me and it's obnoxious. I love board games and Uno. monopoly and uno are my two favorites. I could play uno forever. I love all animals, and I have a pet dog named Izzy and a cat named Gizmo. My first name is Acacia, but I go by my middle name Zoe because no one could ever pronounce it right when I was younger. It's pronounced like "uh-kay-shuh." People have pronounced it a million different ways, some like "uh-cake-ee-uh," or the most common, "uh-case-ee-uh." Some of my biggest pet peeves are when people smack or chew their food really loud, tap their pen or pencil over and over again, and leave lights on in rooms they're not in! It's probably been my mom telling me to turn lights on after I leave a room, but I hate it. Like in buildings and school and other places like that, it doesn't, but at people's houses it does, even if it's not my own. Also, another pet peeve of mine is whenever people don't use the right "your" "you're" or the wrong "their" "they're," or there. Um... I prefer TV series to movies, and my favorite tv shows are Criminal Minds, Doctor Who, and American Horror Story. I like all different genres, but those are some of my favorite. My favorite subjects are English and world history. I didn't care for American history or Arkansas history, but world history. I loved learning about all different cultures, traditions, and just everything. I want to learn these three languages before I die: Spanish, French, and Italian. I always love different languages, the way they sound are so pretty, and I love the accents as well. I don't have internet at home (totally random, but that just popped into my head). I love flowers and I love swimming. Water is my favorite drink, and my favorite food is Mexican chicken. I like to draw and learn about art. When I took fine arts before I transferred to Riverside, fine arts was my favorite class because I got to learn about art, practice all the different styles, and learn about the artist's life. My favorite artist to learn about was Van Gogh, even though if you ask me anything about him I wouldn't be able to remember. 

Blog #9 - Zoe

Two more and I can go to bed and I can't wait! I literally love sleep so much. I can't take naps without good reason my mom says, like a migraine or if I'm sick. If sleep was a person, I would marry sleep, okay, sleep is great. I think it's so ironic that when we're in preschool or kindergarten, we hate naptime, but now that we're in high school and we actually want to nap, we don't have naptime. Ugh. I honestly can't believe that I'm a junior. I want to graduate and make good grades, but I'm also terrified to graduate because, let's face it, life is going to be hard. Everything is so expensive, and there's the stress of finding a job, trying to afford your own place, trying to get a scholarship, and then if you don't get a scholarship, you have to try to find a way to pay your way through college. It's crazy how each one of us may find a way to make a change in this word no matter what we may do for the rest of our lives. As true as that statement may be, it's still so corny. I remember in jr. high, I wanted to hurry up and graduate, and I'm not even a senior yet but I just want life to slow down. Am I tearing up right now? Yes, I am. I literally cry over everything, though, but still. Okay, I'm just rambling now, but that's okay. Okay, I am obsessed so much with stationary supplies. My favorite part of school shopping is buying notebooks, pens, sticky notes, and so on. I'm not even kidding when I say that I have enough notebooks to last me through and maybe even beyond college. I love sticky notes, okay. They're great for writing down due dates, instructions for assignments, and more. And planners! Planners are my life savers, honestly. I'm so scatterbrained sometimes and I never remember anything.

Blog #8 - Zoe

Okay, I'm absolutely freezing to death. If you see me wearing jackets and long sleeves all the time is because I'm always cold and if it was up to me, I would probably never use the AC except for when it's super hot outside. Okay, anyways, summer? Summer is overrated anyways. First off, it's hot. I hate sweating and getting sticky and feeling gross and just, ugh. Second, I don't like summery clothes. Everything is cut out and too strappy or see through. I don't have a lot of short sleeves because as soon as it starts cooling off, I just turn to long sleeves I prefer long sleeves and jeans. Most of my closet is long sleeve shirts and sweaters or quarter sleeves, honestly. Okay, another reason I despise summer: plans! Who has time for plans anymore? Apparently not 16 year old Zoe. Literally every year before this year I always went places and just chilled w friends. Not this year!! Honestly I don't mind besides that everytime I go on any social media there's always tons of people posting pictures and talking about vacations and stuff, and it just makes me feel kinda depressed because then I feel like it's obligated to do these things. I'm too tired to explain exactly what I'm talking about, but it sucks. I just hate summer. I don't even care for the holidays, either. The meaning behind The Fourth of July is pretty nice and I appreciate it and everything this holiday stands for, but honestly? The fireworks bother me a lot when I'm trying to sleep. (and I'm not even kidding, okay, but it sounded like something blew up outside when I was in the middle of typing out that last sentence, that's fun!) Okay, I love summer break from school because I can sleep in late, I don't have stressful assignments, I have more time to do things that are really important to me, oh, and we buy ice cream more often, and I loooove ice cream so much. But honestly, fall and winter are my two favorites. All my favorite holidays, crunchy leaves, pumpkins, nice cold air, going to bed with my space heater on! Yes please! Sign me up! Oh! Hallmark movies are kind of cheesy and the acting is totally fake, but I love watching them at my grandma's house when we go over to her house. I love decorating her tree for her, and the little stockings she hangs up next to her hallway with our favorite flavor candy cane sticking out. And all the winter traditions. Oh my goodness, I can't wait anymore for fall and winter! 

Blog #7 - Zoe

I'm really tired, so forgive me if this blog through my 11th is a complete and total mess. So my summer, it wasn't the worst but I was highly disappointed at how it went. I was so pumped that it was going to be great! I was going to eat better which I do now so heck yeah! I type this this as I am eating a whole box of "gummi" bears. My whole life is a lie because I've been spelling "gummi" like "gummy"  but the box says it's "gummi." Who knew? Not me. Anyways, I was  going to exercise more because during the school year , I'm usually too tired and stressed to. I did exercise more this summer! I walked a lot and made up a whole little routine to do. Did I do it? Um, well no. I did walk and I did a ton of sit-ups and jumping jacks and stuff like that. I used to exercise all the time in 8th grade and I'm trying to work up to that again. I read a lot this summer, which I planned to do. I've always been a bookworm, and heck, I even like doing book projects. The last book I read was Trust No One by Paul Cleave. It is about this huge crime writer, and he develops early onset Alzheimers at 40. He starts confessing to crimes that everyone tells him isn't true. He keeps a journal as well, he calls it his "Madness Journal" and documents things about himself and his days so he can look back through it to try to remember certain memories. As the disease progresses, he starts sneaking around behind his family's back, and just almost having a whole different personality. Anyways, he keeps confessing to crimes he didn't commit, or did he kill people? dun, dUN, DUUUN! hah, anyways. Books are rad, especially to escape into a whole other world where anything can happen, good or bad. My summer! I've started binge watching Criminal Minds again, because me and my brother Zayden are obsessed with it. And I can't say I haven't cried a couple times because of what happens in it. Oh! And if you watch it, you know that Reid can read amazingly fast and obtain a ton of knowledge, well, Zayden can as well! He almost has an eidetic memory and he's only 10, and he can tell you anything you could know about topics he loves and he reads almost faster than me. My entire family loves to brag about Zayden :) I'll continue this in my next post. 

Blog #6 - Zoe

Not long ago I was talking with one of my friends about what we wanted to be when we were little, and I thought I'd  blog about that. Also, off topic but my brother is  watching Arthur.. and why is it when they wear headphones that they're not actually covering their ears? They're on the side of their heads? And what about Arthur's glasses? I don't know, I explained that kinda weird I think. Anyways! I went through my what I wanted to be so often. At one point I wanted to be an astronaut, but what child doesn't? I wanted to be a nanny, then a teacher (I went back to wanting to be a teacher a little over a year ago, but I discovered that I probably wouldn't be great at that), then a storm chaser! I went through this huge phase where I was obsessed with thunder storms and tornados. I still think it'd be really cool to do that. In around 3rd grade, I got really interested in the medical field and the surrounding areas. First I thought I wanted to be an eye doctor.. well eye surgeon. Kinda strange and weird, and I don't know where I got that idea, but I did. I was only in I thin I'm not squeamish, I swear I'm not. On those edhead games online, I would play the surgery games and look at those real-life surgery pictures. I was completely fine, I still am. Those don't freak me out, it's just eyes that kinda creep me out. Anyways, then I wanted to to be a doctor. I know that was influenced by my pediatrician when I was really little. When I got a little bit older, I got really into psychology. I wanted to be a children's psychologist, and then *ahem* a psychologist for the criminally insane. Before you're like "that's so weird!" um, well, I've always wanted to help people in ways that others typically shy away from. I wanted to do that for a while, and as I stated earlier, I wanted to be a teacher for a little while. Then, for a while, I just had no idea. And, okay, I'm actually shy to say this  but for probably over a year now, I've been set on becoming a mortician. I've heard people say "well that's kind of cool" to "oh my god that's gross, that's weird! you like hanging around dead people?" Um, no! As I said, I just want to help people.

Blog #5 - Zoe

I'm sure you heard the commercial on TV, the one that says something like: "but inside, I feel chronic widespread pain.." Yeah. me too. Let's go to the beginning.

I don't remember exactly when I started complaining of hurting. I do remember going to the doctor a lot complaining of my legs hurting, feeling tired all the time no matter how much I slept and napped. Talking of sleep, I started having sleep issues as well around that time. I remember feeling so frustrated because some doctors I saw were at a loss of what was causing it and others just brushed it off as growing pains (which I knew it wasn't, and so did my parents). We kept going to the doctor and finally, I told the doctor that it wasn't growing pains. It just wasn't. I was 12 or 13 and I was starting to get bad grades and I wasn't sleeping well. After some of the smallest exercises I was feeling more sore that I should be. Finally, after a while, we found a doctor who was going to help me. I was getting blood drawn all the time, doctors desperate to find a cause of my aches. They didn't find anything, of course. My doctor thought I had restless leg syndrome for a while, and a couple other things that I don't remember the names of at the moment. Flash forward to when I was 14, I went to urgent care because my doctor's office was closed and I was going through a flare-up, which is when all the symptoms are worse than usual. The doctor that was there was one of the most helpful doctors I've ever met. She was so kind and sounded genuinely concerned. She wasn't the first doctor who brought up fibromyalgia being a possibility, but she was the first who asked me a series of questions that you're supposed to be asked when it's a possibility. Soon after, I was diagnosed. 

There's no physical marker saying "hey, this part of my body isn't normal" and there's no marker showing up in different bloodwork or any other tests. This is why it's called an invisible illness. All the doctors have to diagnose you with is just from the symptoms you experience. Well, some doctors don't even believe it's a real thing because they can't see it, which is awful and frustrating. There's also not a cure, just medications to treat different symptoms, such as insomnia, pain, depression, and so forth. Because I'm so young and fibro is rare for teenagers, there's really nothing I can take that insurance will cover. There's talk therapy and physical therapy. Physical therapy was honestly so fun and relaxing. I got to walk around in a heated pool and stretch and I wasn't hurting near as bad. I got to go two times a week and do it. I don't do it anymore, but baths work decently as well. 

Now I know I have over 300 words :-) 

Blog #4 - Zoe

A couple years ago, I was asked by a teacher to write a paragraph or two describing how to get through high school.. so why not answer the question again here? 

First off, take notes if it helps you. I try to take notes in subjects I know I'm not great at because it really does help when it's time to study for a test. Also, write due dates down somewhere so you don't forget and then scramble at last minute to get it done. Don't procrastinate either! Trying to get all your work done last minute just causes unnecessary stress. I can't 100.tell you how many times I've done that because of procrastination. I used to be the worse at it and I somehow managed to get better at getting my work done on time. Of course I mess up sometimes and I do end up pulling all-nighters trying to put everything together, but I think I'm doing okay. My next point is that whenever you get to pick what topic or something is on, pick the most interesting thing to do it over so you actually enjoy it. Doing that can make it easier as well, if you already know a lot about the subject. If you pick something you're not totally familiar with or if you're just picking it over something random, it can make it harder because you don't have a knowledge about it, and if you don't completely know that you'll enjoy it, it'll make you dread working on the assignment and that can lead to you putting it off to the last minute. Another thing that can definitely make school easier is to make sure you read all the instructions that your teacher gives you very carefully. It's never a pleasant experience when you get to class and you realize you did the assignment wrong. Which is also why if you don't understand the assignment 100%, ask the teacher! The teacher is there to help you. When I realize I messed  up, my stomach always instantly drops. Oh! Before I finish, for all those who aren't good at math, color code the steps of the problems in your notes! For each step there is in a problem, use a different color because that can help you memorize the different steps! 

Blog #3 - Zoe

Do you ever have those days where you're having such an awful day, week, well even month where it seems that nothing is going right and you keep making mistakes over and over again, where the smallest things make you snap, cry, or even just have a meltdown? I know I do. Sometimes it's actually huge things that have happened in your life, or even just the tiniest things piling up. Maybe you received bad news about something happening to a family member, maybe you got diagnosed with an illness that will impact the rest of your life. Maybe it's even something else, like failing a test or getting in trouble. These are all things that can cause tension and give bad moods and days. Then there's, of course, stress and different anxieties. I don't know about you, but sometimes when I get too stressed sometimes my mind shuts down and I can't concentrate or remember anything that I'm being told, which is ironic because that just makes me even more stressed! 

Of course, when you're having a bad day, depending on why there are different things to do to try to help make the day a little bit better. Sometimes the best thing to do is to nap. Napping gives your mind and body a chance to rest and recharge. If you have a ton of things to do, this doesn't always work.. If there's a ton of things to do, what I typically do is write out a bullet list of things from most to least important and time frames to do it with short breaks in between those things. One thing my mom always tells me to do when I'm having a bad day is to journal. It doesn't matter what it is that's bothering, she tells me to write. At first, I didn't think it would help very well, but it does! It may not resolve whatever the problem is, or if there even is one, but it does help you get your thoughts in order and there's something therapeutic about putting all your thoughts out on paper. Another thing that is calm and relaxing thing that can help with bad days and stress are hot baths and showers... and with stress in mind, meditation! Meditation is actually probably one of the greatest things ever. Forever I would put it off because I didn't know how or that it would be too time-consuming, but it actually helps me tremendously when I'm upset and/or stressed. Also, simple breathing exercises are good to fit in when you can. 

Now, for those days where all you need is a distraction from everything, I tend to talk to a friend or close family, listen to positive and cheerful music (because sad music can just make everything worse), reading a good book, or watching a movie. For just an awful day, whether receiving bad news or not, a lot of times it feels like nothing can help and different things help different people, but my favorite piece of advice is that if you can, try to take care of your needs as much as possible.. 

I didn't intend for this to become an advice article, but it works!

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