Hey guys I’m back! So here’s an update since I last posted. Right now I am still debating on what to do. Earlier while at Cole’s sports practice I called my papa (grandpa) and talked about staying or leaving. While on the phone with my grandpa he sounded perfectly fine and was all for picking me up one Saturday. About 5 - 6 hours after talking with my papa, my mom calls me. She explains that she is taking my grandpa to the hospital. Most of you really don’t know me that well, but growing up I didn’t really have a dad. My papa is more of like a dad to me than my sperm donor. So of course, I’m going to want to come home more than ever. I don’t wanna be so far away and something serious happen to my papa. I’m sure all of you understand what it’s like. Anyway, my plans of going home are ruined so now I have to figure everything out all over again. Trevis’s dad, Steve, said he would come get me. I want to go home, but I don’t want to bother him. Do any of you ever get the feeling that you’re asking too much of everyone? Well, that is how I feel right now. On top of feeling like that Krissy says it is okay for me to leave Friday, but she doesn’t have anyone to watch Cole till the 28th. I don’t want her to feel like I’m just screwing her over. I hate that the most. When I tell someone I’ll do something than something come up that I feel like I need to be home for. It makes a pit of guilt in my stomach. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I want to go home more than anything, but I don’t want Krissy to be upset with me. I’m sure all of this sound pretty pathetic to everyone. Most of you know me as the one who doesn’t show her emotions, the one who try to put a smile on her face everyday. If I can be straight forward with all of you, I’m tired of everything. I’m to the point where I just don’t want to talk to anyone. Here’s one thing you all didn’t know about me.. I have depression. I’ve been through quite a lot in my childhood. I know it seems like all of my blogs are about how I feel or just annoying things about my life. I’ve figured out that blogging about my day or how I feel actually seems to help me. Thank you to everyone who reads this for taking your time to read this. Thank you for letting me vent. I’m sure I’ll be back within a few days. Thank you for your time!
-Dezi
Hey Dez, just read another post of yours. I know the feel though about sperm doners, when I was little I never really had a dad either. He basically didn't want involvement with me when he found out my mom was pregnant. I was later adopted by my mother's parents and I've never met my 'dad' but my grandpa is more of a dad to me. It's hard to cope with at first but I'm glad to see that you're holding up strong. Seeing your question, sometimes I wonder that too but I don't think you were asking too much of everyone. You're a really good person Dez, to stay by your word and stay loyal to the people you know. I hope you're having a good day. That's all I really needed to say after reading this. I hope this didn't stray away from the subject, confuse you, or upset you! I'd hate to do that :( - Tatum Tornkvist
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