Comparison/Contrast Essay - Grace Anne Puckett

Grace Anne Puckett

Are Your Friends Actually Your Enemies?

Friends are those people you meet out of everyone in the world, and want to know more about them. They’re someone you invest time, effort, love, and you expect the same back. You don’t see the people for who they actually are sometimes. Most friends wouldn’t go trash your name, or bring you down. Matter of fact I think that is what most people would call their enemy. An enemy is someone who you may have known or never really got to know. It’s when they judge you, don’t care about you, and love to talk bad about you. An enemy is basically a type of fake friend. Unfortunately many people have less so called “friends” and more enemies that they may be blind to. Everyone thinks the world of their friends since they wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, but what if your enemies are more trustworthy than the friendships you have?

What if I told you most of the people you call your friends weren’t the true definition of friends, and that there are ways to deal with them. It means to have a bond, to know about each other, and have a mutual affection. True friendship according to Robert Cialdini the author of Influence: the Power of Persuasion says, that we are friends with people who are like us. With people who have things in common with us and push us to be a better person (“How to Spot Friends, Enemies, Frenemies and Bullies”). This means those friends that aren’t interested in you aren’t your friend. Everyone knows those kinds of people. Many would call them fake. Fake friends are the most common people you’ll run into. From the time you are a kid in school, all the way into adulthood in the real world, you will encounter these people all your life.

Fake friends can take a toll on not only how you act, but how you accept others into your life. If you’re surrounded by people that aren’t true, you’re prone to let even more damaging relationships come into your life. If you have these types of friends you can pick up their habits and become something you don’t want to. Having these unnecessary and forced relations can bring you down too. They can make you question yourself on things you shouldn’t have to doubt. Over all it’s emotionally draining to have these people.

Eventually these so called friends will fade in and out. With that being said there are usually two things that take place. You realize that these “friends” aren’t the people you thought they were, and you are the one to decide to slowly or completely cut ties with them. This is much easier than the second way. This way is when the people you thought were your friends with cut ties with you, for no apparent reason. It’s one day you’re hanging out thinking everything is okay. Then you can’t even get a response or the simple things like talking become awkward because they’re being shady. This can make you question what you did wrong, or was it something you said. When in reality it wasn’t your fault. So next time you’re hanging out with your group of “friends” check off some of these traits and really ask yourself if they’re your friend.

Enemies are something no one wants have, usually do, and you probably have more than you think. The word enemy is thrown around and given many dramatic meanings. The word really means to want cause harm to someone. This is not the enemy I’m discussing. A more used teenage aimed term for an enemy is when someone excludes you from something, trashes your name, or likes to be mean or disrespectful to another person. On Psychology Today they talk about the enemy that is a fake friend. This fake friend might be mature, have boundaries they don’t cross when talking about us, and through it all may carry respect for us through their dislikes about us (“How to Spot Friends, Enemies, Frenemies and Bullies”).  Many try to avoid these people at all cost.

Enemies make you feel bad about yourself, or makes you want to inflict the same onto them. Which this makes you no better than them. It can change how you act and feel. It’s draining, tiring, unnecessary, and hurtful. The best option to use when you have someone in your life like that is to block off the interactions and live your life accordingly. Since enemy can mean several different things, the best way to handle them is to just separate yourself from whoever this “enemy” may be.

There is a very strong relationship between the meaning of fake friends and enemies. However there’s still a variation between the two. Fake friendships can take place behind closed doors. It can happen for the sole purpose of you not finding out what was said, or what you wasn’t invited to. Enemies do the complete opposite they want you to know they hope you find out. Enemies can tend to be aimed to specifically hurt you more. Sometimes that friend doesn’t intentionally do a bad thing on purpose. Which can make it somewhat confusing on if that friend is actually fake.

Fake friends also tend to talk bad when you’re not around, but when they see you they’re nice as they can and hope you don’t find out. This is opposite of what an enemy can do, they don’t care if they hurt your feelings, and more than likely they're not nice to your face. They’re not nice to your face because they don’t want to be around you period. Information gets spread fast no matter where or how old you are. So when word gets around that your friend was talking bad about you, you might not believe it at first. Or hope it’s not true. An enemy talking about you seems unlikely and you would more than likely believe it as soon as you get the news.  

Fake friend relationships make you feel a sense of responsibility that you have to still be nice to that person. You can feel this way since you used to be close that’s where that responsibility comes in. If you have an enemy you don’t really feel the need to accept the things they do or be nice to them even after what they’ve done. There’s a mentality of they deserve what they have coming. However that fake friend you have you used to be close and thought they were real. So you don’t want to just completely leave them in the background. Even though all together it seems that fake friends and enemies are the same thing they have different way of actions and feelings.

Enemies and fake friends have been mixed into the same group for so long that there is a name for both that combines them together. Frenemies. Frenemy is someone who is nice to you even though they could really care less, and don’t really want to be friends. A article Psychologist Irene S. Levine was in talks about how it’s like a wolf hiding in a sheep’s costume, you never know which one you’ll get or be around (Wolff, Carina). These two are both not needed in anyone's life. There should be no tolerance or accepting people like that.

Backstabbing is a way to refer to these frenemies. This is just when they do bad things behind you, or betray you in some way. Again both love to talk about you, which is the biggest similarity between the two. They don’t like to see you doing good. Especially when you’re doing it without them. Cutting ties with both of these relationships are also the best way to deal with them. They drag you down and both have a bad influence on you. They can basically rub off on you and change the person you are. Also you would think that a friend would stand up for you and defend you. While a fake friend would just sit there and not care that’s the same thing an enemy would do. That’s why they are put together like that. While the fake friendship fades and they slowly start to care less about you. Having enemies is just a faster way of this process.

Thinking that your fake friend is trustworthy and you can count on them is a mistake. It’s about as equivalent as trusting an enemy. At the end of the day you would not choose to trust an enemy, so why would you choose to trust someone who acts the same way. It’s your decision, however it is harder to understand and accept that this is true. That’s why people have more fake friends than “enemies.” It’s also all about the perspective you look at the situation from. If you are looking at it after the fact that you’ve already gone through the process of cutting out these fake friends. Then it’s easier to see and point out these flaws. This makes it easier to understand the differences and similarities on how a fake friend is also an enemy. If you are just now realizing that these qualities of friendship aren’t how you and your so called friends are it can be hard to accept. At the end of the article “9 Ways To Know If You Have Enemies Disguised As Friends” it says how friendship is still important, and to disregard those friends who aren’t right for you (Koger, Kendra). You might get this feeling it’s not true however in the end it’s best to realize these people aren’t good for you an act on it. This is why it’s also best to trust neither or see both just as bad.