There really isn't much to do in a place so wide open and bare. So lonely, cold and plain. A place like this seems like a nightmare to some, even me at times, but this place, this wonderfully terrifying place was home. A white, Christian, Southern family in the midst of the First People of North America is new and different and unwelcome. It is betrayal, heartache and pain. It is beauty, love, awe, magnificence, hope and wonder. It is rain in sunshine and mock storms in clear skies. It is coming home at night after a long and horrible day wondering, 'Why am I even here? What is my purpose, and why can't I see it yet?' This little house in the middle-of-nowhere of Big Sky Country has proven to be both my greatest blessing and worst nightmare.
Living where it is cold, dark at 4 pm and barren is difficult. I know that because I lived it for 3 years that seemed like an eternity. This little house with a metal roof, tiny porch and padlock door was all I knew. The shed that has been able to stand the test of time held amusement and curiosity. It was filled with animal meat, four-wheelers and tools. Its' climate contradicted itself: when it was above 100 degrees it was cold and when it was 40 below zero, it was somehow warm. It was a tough and relentless building that held pounds of snow on the roof, yet never collapsed like so many in the area did.
My room, the smallest room, was my safe haven during those scary and heart wrenching years. It was my escape from the crumbling world around me, yet saw my darkest moments. It held my deepest secrets, but was where I had fun. It was where I cried, laughed and FaceTimed my boyfriend, who, for a year lived 1,600 miles away from me. A screen was the thing that connected us, and honestly, was one of the things that kept me going. The room heard me play music, sing, dance and share secrets. It kept me safe and made me in some way feel secure. I gained confidence, but also almost lost everything. It was my resting place that I couldn't really rest in.
The living room is the biggest room and the most fun one in the house. It was where we gathered, loved, celebrated and laughed. Around Christmastime we would invite junior high and high school aged kids to celebrate. We would eat, play games and hand out presents. When people came to visit or came on a mission trip, they would stay in the living room since it had 9 beds. It was where my family talked and had fun. We ate and watched football in that room. It is the biggest room, so it's understandable why we had the most fun in there.
To call this the "Little House on the Prairie" is no exaggeration. You can see for miles in every direction with no trees blocking your sight. The vastness is lonely and comforting at the same time. You are able to escape from everyone, but when there's nobody around, it does get lonely. My experience in the "Treasure State" was amazing and awful. Through my hard times, this home was my freedom when I needed it most. I know there is beauty in darkness, because when you persist you will always find the light at the end.
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