I'm going to start this off by saying that I HATE writing about my feelings, lOvE, and all that jazz and this is probably going to get emotional in someway for me at least. I mean, it is 5am and I'm living off of 3 hours of sleep right now. but you guys know that's nothing new for me.
The most important day of my life was the day I left my ex boyfriend. It sounds pretty dumb, but yeah. It was very important for me and my mental health. I'm also not going to call out which boyfriend it was, but if you know, you know.
I had been dating this guy for around a year and I knew I needed to leave him after only a few months of dating him. I always have this mentality of "things will get better, he'll treat you better eventually." We would argue all the time about dumb things, I mean what could high school kids argue about that's important anyways? At first I wouldn't fight back as much. During this time I would cry a lot. I went from barely ever crying, to crying nearly three times a day including while at school. I had a very negative outlook on life at this point. I would get so frustrated with this guy, and I eventually started fighting back. When I did fight back, the name calling began. He would call me awful names and I just.. stayed with him? He also pushed everything away from me. I wanted to hang out with a friend? He all of a sudden hated that friend because they took up my attention. I was trying to eat lunch at school? I better text him back or he'll be angry with me, even though I want to enjoy my food and my friends' company. I need to do homework? Well, I better wait until he's asleep or he'll get mad for not giving him enough attention. Things were awful, and I have no idea how I put up with them. He led me to believe all of my friends hated me and that one of his friends said really mean things about me. His friend never said the things, he just didn't want me to find out about a mistake he made, and my friends didn't hate me he just wanted to control me as much as possible.
My friends were starting to pick up that this dude was making me unhappy. They told me so many times I'd be better off without him. I would always listen to them, and I agreed with them. I just wouldn't leave the guy for some reason. I'm always scared to lose people in my life, even if they are no good for me. I eventually did leave this awful dude over a summer after he cheated on me. It sucks that it took him cheating on me (not even the first time he cheated either) to open my eyes, but I'm glad I finally did.
After I let him go, it felt like there was a huge weight lifted off of my shoulders. I felt so free.It was a feeling I hadn't felt in months. I was truly happy with my life again. That feeling is why it was one of the most important days of my life.
Thank you Jessica, Bethany, Vin, Robert, Austin, and everyone else that tried to get me out of the relationship sooner and looking out for me. I love you guys or whatever.
(Update: It's nearly 6am. Didn't get as emotional as I thought. Still feels great to be "free" from this guy.)
No comments:
Post a Comment