A Series of Failed Attempts - Kim Wilson (7)

     It started off as a bet. Honest. How was I supposed to know that citizens would actually vote for me? I ran as a joke, I completely faked half of my campaign, yet here I was sitting in the Oval Office trying to wrap my mind around the predicament I was in. When I decided to run for President, it was because my friend bet me $500 I wouldn't do it, and I'm known for never turning down a bet. That's also another reason why people shouldn't have voted for me. I mean, who would want a gambler as the President? 
     As I sat in the desk, I thought about how I was going to waste the next four years of my life on people who will most likely hate me; it was in that moment that I decided to do something about it.
     

     I was already sworn in. What could I do to get out of this? I could always resign but then Harry would probably take back the money, and I already spent half of it. Then it came to me: I could get impeached. In that moment, I decided to declare war on Canada. They would have to impeach me. I mean, who declares war on Canada? A bad President, that's who declares war on Canada. Of course I couldn't declare war myself, I had to appeal to Congress about it, but I could always go on television live and say we were planning on declaring war on Canada. After the interview, I checked all social media. My plan was going great. Everyone was tweeting that I was the worst President ever. Some people said I should be arrested, but I already got that worked out. Everything was going accordingly until the secret was discovered.
   "President Jadson saves America," the article read. The article went into detail about how Canada was secretly planning to nuke D.C. The article portrayed me as a hero. Everyone thought I was really good at my job, but I really was just trying to get out of the job. How was I supposed to know what Canada was up to? What could I possibly do now?
     After my first failed attempt at impeachment, I decided to do something awful. I planned to do something so heinous, I could possibly be assassinated: I was going to ban Doritos. This had to make people want me out of office.  What kind of President bans Doritos? Banning Doritos is totally a "high crime." I would be taking away people's happiness.
     Once again, my plan had worked...until it didn't. The banning Doritos tweet got everyone in an uproar. "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, PRESIDENT JADSON?" one read. "Idk who this guys thinks he is but you can't just ban Doritos," read another. Then, once again, another article is released:
     "President Jadson does it again!" It was titled. This article described how scientists have been studying affects of Doritos and it was the number one cause of cancer. The process of producing Doritos was also the number one cause of global warming. "Scientists were hesitant about when to release the data, but with recent occurrences, they decided to back President Jadson in the ban of Doritos. We don't know how he's doing it, but President Jadson is fixing America's problems one by one," it read.
    "Oh, great." I slammed my head on the desk. I guess I must have put a little too much force into it, because suddenly Vice President Brown walked in. What was his first name? Andrew? Anthony?
     "Are you okay? I've noticed you've acting strange lately," he said.
     "Acting strange," I muttered to myself. Then it hit me. I slammed my hands on the desk, "That's it!"
     "I'm just going to leave now," said Brown as he awkwardly walked out of the room.
      Everyone loved Brown! All I had to do was accuse him of something, get him arrested, and the boom! I'll be impeached. It would totally work.
     Once more my plan worked...until it didn't. I accused Brown of sneaking money into his account. The police investigated him and found he was not guilty of the crimes I accused him of. People were once again in an uproar. "YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE BROWN IS HOT AND YOU'RE NOT," a tweet read. There were many more, and many worse ones. I was so proud of myself, I was finally going to be impeached. Then it happened. They discovered something awful about Brown.
      "President Jadson does it include again! Although he was off on the charges of Vice President Brown, he was still right about Brown's sketchy character. Investigators revealed that Brown was instead crooked as Jadson had said. Brown was working undercover to give America's secrets to Canada. He was the leader of Canada nuking D.C. How does Jadson do it?"
     "Oh, come on!" I yelled at my computer screen. What does someone have to do to get impeached? Every time I try, I just fail! Maybe I was stuck as president.