Adore Me - Kim Wilson (5)

   {This one is also super depressing, whoops. I apologized in advance.}

 They say time heals all wounds, but I would disagree. "Everything will be okay. These things just take time." "The hurt will go away after some years." Those claims are never true. You never forget. Ever. They couldn't be more wrong. Looking at my sisters lifeless body, I didn't see how I could ever get over it. Knowing that she had breathed her last breath ever shattered me. It broke my heart into millions of pieces, pieces so small they can't be put back together again. I would never be able to forget her laugh, or how she hated bananas, or how she refused to eat the crust of bread. I will never get to drive her to her first school dance. I will never be able to be in her wedding. I will never be able to babysit her children.
    And if it wasn't bad enough that I lost my sister, it was my fault. It was all my fault. There was no one else to blame. Yeah, sure, many people tell me it wasn't and things like this happen, but it was my fault. Everything that happened that day was my fault. I was supposed to be watching her. Now she will never go to prom, never have a boyfriend, never graduate. I took that from her. It was all my fault.
             *           *           *
     "Ready. Set. Go!" yelled my sisters friend. Her name was Lily; she lived down the street from us. Since the day Lily moved to our small, boring town, they became inseparable. You wouldn't see Amy without seeing Lily standing behind her with her hands on her hips. Lily was the wilder one who always wanted to explore. Amy, however, was more cautious and kept Lily in line. Each day Lily would walk to our house and plan out adventures with Amy. Their most recent adventure was climbing the hill in the backyard all by themselves. The "hill" was just a big pile of dirt from construction. But, nonetheless, they decided it a big adventure and completed it. Today, they decided to tackle the task of riding without training wheels together. They came into the kitchen declaring they were now big girls and could ride without the extra wheels. After they proved they could, my mother, being the woman she is, forced me to sit out in the scorching sun and watch as the little girls rode up and down the street. Our street is farther out in town, so there is rarely any traffic. I sat a red seat out in the front of the yard so I could watch them zoom by. I could already feel a sunburn coming on. It was excruciating. I was supposed to be at the mall with my friends, but now I was stuck babysitting two children.
     "Lily, you can't do that! You're cheating!" Amy yelled. They were always arguing about rules. Amy felt that they should follow every rule, while Lily was perfectly willing to bend a few.
     "I'm not cheating! You're the one who didn't start peddling soon enough! Lindsey, tell her I wasn't cheating!" Lily whined. I didn't even hear half of what she said, I repeated her anyways.
      "Lily isn't cheating," I mumbled while scrolling through Instagram. Amanda had just posted a picture of them at the mall. They looked like they were having a lot of fun. I would be there if I wouldn't have to watch the brats.
      "You always say whatever Lily says. You're supposed to be my sister," Amy complained. She hopped onto her bike and started riding on her own.
      "Amy, you can't do that," yelled Lily. I didn't hear anything they were saying. All I could hear was screaming; I assumed they were playing pirates again. Sometimes they will say their bikes are the ships and try to steal treasure from the land. I had never been more wrong.
      "LINDSEY! LINDSEY, AMY IS HURT."
      It phrases like that that make you rethink life. I used to think the important things in life were how many likes I got or how many girls were jealous of my new boyfriend for the week. The important things in life are the people you love, not how Instagram famous you are.
      I wish so desperately to be able to go back. Maybe if I wasn't so focus on not going to the mall, I would have realized that it was an opportunity to spend time with my adoring, little sister. Maybe if I would have payed more attention, she would still be here. She would still be here making up new adventures with Lily and following me around because she just wanted to spend time with me; at the time, I just wanted her to go away.
      It was all my fault. Maybe you people reading this think I'm a terrible person, and I'm okay with that. My sister died because of me. I was irresponsible and I let her out of my sight. I couldn't put down the phone for two seconds to check on her. I was busy texting Boyfriend #9.
      If you're still reading this and wondering what happened, here it is: While I was being selfish and inconsiderate, a driver who had been under the influence swerved from the outside road and hit Amy. It was my fault. Amy will never get to know what it feels like to fly in an airplane. She'll never feel the excitement and anxiety of being so far above the earth. She'll never be able to see how great her life could have been. She's gone. It's all my fault.
      You guys still have time though, whoever happens to stumble upon my diary. Tell the people you love how you feel, you never know when they won't be here. Take an interest in things they do, and NEVER put anything before them. That boy can wait, you need to hang out with your sister when she asks. Skip going to the mall to hang out with your mom; it will make her day. Do whatever you want, but please appreciate your family. One day they might be gone, and it might be your fault.