Believe me when I say that I hope you never read this. I really really hope that you never ever ever read this, although I know there's a chance you might because you deserve to and I'm not exactly hiding it. If you do read this then I want you to know that I'm going to hurt you. I'm going to hurt you really really bad. I guess that's why I'm writing this to you, I guess part of me wants you to read it. I want you to get out while you still can, so I won't get the chance to hurt you. It's not my intention to hurt you, you have to believe me when I say that. You're the last person that I would ever ever want to hurt. But it's going to happen eventually, and I guess I just want you to be okay when it does.
Believe me when I say this, I like you. I like you because you call me out when I contradict myself. I like how when I'm with you I don't think about the past, I especially don't think about him, or the one before him. I like how you're scared, believe me when I say that you should be. It means you're smart enough to know that it's not in my nature to stay- and I'm sorry for that. I like your sleepy smile and I like the way you believe in me. Believe me when I say that you shouldn't.
I like how passionate you are about movies and I like how your eyes light up when you talk about how you want to be a director one day. Your eyes don't just light up they just absolutely burn brighter than the sun and I hope that when I break my promise to you that fire in your eyes doesn't go away. I hope you hate me when I'm gone, because you're the best thing that has ever happened to me and I deserve it for being scared of that. Believe me when I say that I am so so so sorry. Hate me with all your heart as long as that means you don't lose the love you have for everyone else. Because the love you had that was radiating off of you makes me want to learn to love myself.
Although I'm sure I won't love myself anymore after I screw all of this up. You always tell me not to self deprecate but screwing things up is what I'm best at. Believe me when I say that I'm sorry if I screwed you up. I don't really know what I was trying to accomplish when I sat down to write this letter to you, it isn't a goodbye because I haven't even done anything yet, and I don't want you to ever read this even though I said that I did earlier. I guess this is just an apology in advance that you're never going to hear. Believe me when I say that I'm truly sorry about not being able to tell you I'm sorry in person, or at all really. This letter was much more for myself than you now that I think about it. Believe me when I say that I'm sorry that I'm so selfish. I'm just, I'm really sorry. I'm sure you get the point although I can never say it enough.
Yours truly, you know who.
P.S you shouldn't believe me
Okay Shailey. I REALLY LOVE THIS. *insert like a bajillion heart eyes emojis* Now come on, girl, you gotta spill your secret. Who taught you to write like that? Seriously, let me know, I think I need to take a class. ;) Anyways, when I was reading this, it made me picture so many things. I was taken aback by your statement, "Hate me with all your heart as long as that means you don't lose the love you have for everyone else." That's some hardcore stuff right there. It's deep. It made me feel something. I don't really know what that "something" is, but I definitely felt it. Keep writing pieces like this, and you'll have 83974947359 companies wanting to publish you. Just keep writing. -Karlee Sanders
ReplyDeletePlease continue to write like this! I'm looking forward to reading all of your blog post. I'm also looking forward to reading every single book you publish in your very bright future you have ahead of you. I have no doubt that publishers are going to be coming at you left and right. I love how detailed and descriptive you are. You really know how to use your words. You amaze me everyday with all your talents. You're such a great writer! I'm so impressed by your skills. I am prepared to buy 13489599 copies of your future books!
ReplyDeleteI can't express to you how much I love this. It's so raw and pure and so so heartfelt. Reading this has made me think about all of the people I wish I would've said these words to, and all the people I will say them to in the future. People come and go, and the "go" part will always be the hardest, but you have made it seem so much easier. I'm sorry for whatever inspired you to write this, but I will never be sorry that you did. -Faith Brooks(6)
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