Shailey Wooldridge interviews Shailey Wooldridge

I'm not sure how this is going to work out but imagine like a celebrity interview. I apologize in advance. This is very weird because I wrote the majority of it at two am, when I tend to get really loopy and weird. I would also just like to add in that none of my friends actually said that at the end I was just bashing myself over and over.
Interviewer me: So today on the show I have probably the least special guest I have ever had on this show before, everyone else was too expensive... Introducing Shailey Wooldridge. Not Shailene Woodley, common and disappointing misconception.
Interviewer me: What's up, buttercup?
me: That's my saying
Interviewer me: Pretty sure we're the same person idiot.
Me: You realized you just called yourself an idiot right?
Interviewer me: I wish you would stop freaking patronizing me. I get it enough from everyone else.
Me: I wasn't-
Interviewer me: So hows it going?
Me; um good, I've been working on summer assignments a lot lately because I'm-
Interviewer me: yeah no one cares.
Interviewer me: So what kind of car do you drive?
Interviewer me: hah oh yeah that's right.
Interviewer me: So what was your favorite Miley phase?
Me: hmmm.. can't be tamed probably.
Interviewer me: HAH BASIC
Me: .....
Interview me: So I made a list of your talents.
Me: okay
Interviewer me; .........
Me: ............
Interviewer me: .......
Me: .....
Interviewer me: .......
Me: ........
Interviewer me: ,,,,,,,
Me: real funny
Interviewer me: You're like the Kardashians.
Me: You know I'm actually kind of good at-
Interviewer me: would you shut your mouth already? This is my show.
Me: now we know why you can't keep a boyfriend.
Interviewer me: what was that?
Me: what was what?
Interviewer me: What did you just say?
Me: What did YOU just say?
Interviewer me: What kind of games are you playing?
Me: What kind of games are YOU playing?
Interviewer me: You know this sounds eerily familiar to out text message conversations.
Me: You know this sounds eerily familiar to out text message conversations.
Interviewer me: STOP THAT
Me: FINE STOP PATRONIZING ME
Interviewer me: you're patronizing yourself genius.
Me: awh was that a compliment?
Interview: no you insignificant bonehead, do you not understand sarcasm?
Me: why do you hate me
Interviewer me: if I had to guess it'd be the same reason you hate me.
Interviewer me: Is that a new hair cut?
Me: Yeah I didn't want to get one but my grandma made me get a few inches off to mak-
Interviewer me: I hate it.
Interviewer me: So who told you that you were funny?
Interviewer me: Because you're not.
Interviewer me: Okay now is the time when we get to move on to twitter questions because you are so unbelievably boring that I cannot think of another thing I could ask you and listen to you answer it without wanting to gauge out my eyeballs with a spork.
Me: .....
Interviewer me: So @karleelovesbigbutts wants to know who gave you the freaking right?
Me:  Jesus.........? maybe
Interviewer me: @Sydneyisnotacutieboyboy wants to know how handy that built in floating device around your waist is? She says that there is no way you aren't a good swimmer!!
Me: Okay that is actually kind of offensive and I've been losing weight recently so-
Interviewer me: yeah no one cares fatty.
Interviewer me: I bet you've never even been swimming because if you were to jump in a pool all the water would fly out and you would hit the bottom of the pool and die.
Interviewer me: @mattiequeenieoohprettybaby says "you are so freaking dumb. Get a life or learn how to dance because you're going to need it in the future."
me: okay first of all that is not a question
Interviewer me: Well that's all the time for today, get out of my face Shailey.
Me: but I still have more friends that need to bash me
Interviewer me: Yes but I'm sure we've reached 300 words and I'm sure someone is going to sit you down and have a talk with you about self esteem later so we should probably end this here. Thanks for reading tune in next time, I probably won't ever do this again!!!